Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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