The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
