Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
