I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
