Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
