but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
