What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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