you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
