his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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