Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
