He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
