ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
