Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
