FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
