at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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