Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
