Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
