I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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