Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
