If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Say something about gay babies.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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