Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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