yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
