.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
