Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
