So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
