am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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