last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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