well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
