dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
