didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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