this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
