Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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