I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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