I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
