areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
