Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
