i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
