two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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