Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
