So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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