she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
