I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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