now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
