Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
