We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
