So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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