There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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