Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
