wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
