I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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