He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
