I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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