There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize