the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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