Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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