she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
