Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
