Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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