I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
