all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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