I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
