i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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