I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
