Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
two words...techno handjob
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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