I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
